Have you ever thought about those fathers who decide to stay single and look after their children after a divorce or the death of a spouse? The courage a father shows in playing a mother’s role is immense. Today, let's look at the role of a father who plays mommy to his child.
Here's the story of a father of an autistic girl who carries a beautifully gentle mother within him.
I met Vihaan in 2018 when he booked a session for his daughter, who had turned 14 that year. A close friend had recommended a healing arts session for his daughter after an incident at their residence. Vihaan had his own inhibitions during our first meeting. He looked tired and confused, yet he carried a soulful smile as he walked in.
First sessions are usually more casual as both the client and therapist get to know each other. His daughter, a 5.5-foot-tall, large girl, was all over the place, so excited to touch and feel each art piece on display. I observed his interactions with the child and the child's reactions to his loving authority.
The second session was for the parent alone, to look into the history and plan the way forward. Little did Vihaan know, nor was I prepared for, a complete breakdown of a parent in this session.
His sobs turned to loud cries, unregulated and highly triggered.
He started with the story of how his wife had eloped with another man and left this little bundle of love, just four years old, for him to take care of alone. For the last ten years, he had been holding the fort quite resiliently, all alone with some help from his aging mom.
Things took a turn for the worse when, six months ago, his daughter got her period. She refused to wear a pad, ran bleeding all over the place, soiled everything, wiped her genitals with anything around to clean up, and got so aggressive with his mom that she needed hospitalization.
This is where he broke down.
He didn’t know how to help his child. He felt the barrier of fatherhood while trying to tend to her now. He was embarrassed, extremely depressed, and felt like a failure. He grew quiet. I silently prepared for a soothing painting session, guiding his hands to explore colors while he spoke, with soft music playing in the background.
We sat for a long time (three hours). I never time my sessions for this reason: as a therapist, we need to cater to what chooses to release. We discussed a few strategies, started with child meditation, and looked into the importance of his healing sessions. He apologized, thanked me, and smiled with gratitude. He said, "I've never felt this light ever!"
Vihaan called the next day, saying he slept like a baby. After a few sessions, he and his mom learned ways to train their girl well.
They moved to Singapore after COVID-19 due to a job change. We are still in touch. The 20-year-old girl is doing well. Vihaan took his healing seriously and has done a lot of self-work.
This father touched me deeply with how he played a mother's role while healing himself.
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